The Most Important Lesson I Have Learned

My young cousin recently asked me what the most important lesson I have learned in
my life is. She threw me off-guard because I don't think I'm so old that I should be asked
that question. But I guess I'm old enough in her eyes. So I thought for a few minutes and
then gave her my answer which is kind of a two part answer.

First of all, I have learned you can't please everyone all the time. Or even most of the
time. It is pointless to try. You will just drive yourself  mad and become a very unhappy
and bitter person. Does that mean I don't try to please people or make them happy? Nope.
It just means I don't run myself ragged try to please everyone. It also means I don't base
my happiness on pleasing people. I try to base my actions on doing the right thing and on
doing things that won't drive me crazy. In the end, it is I that will have to answer for what
I have done in this life. I can't hide behind someone-else and say I did this and that to
make them happy or to please them. My life got a lot less complicated when I learned that.

The second part is that in order to be loved, you must first love yourself. So many of us
don't like ourself and we seek to hide this from those around us. We put up walls and wear
masks to make people love us. We basically lose ourselves by acting or becoming the
person we think other people want us to be. From a large part of my life, this was how
I lived. I hated the person I saw in the mirror. I was too short and fat. I was ugly and stupid.
I didn't want to open myself up to pain and ridicule, so I tried to be or act the way I thought
other wanted me to. My life was miserable. Luckily, I had some friends that saw beyound
the mask. They helped me to break down the walls and to see myself as special. It took
a very long time, and truthfully I am still working on it. I am a work in process. But I can
see that I am a good person. I am funny and caring. Some days I even think I might be
pretty. I have come to love myself, flaws and all. And I am finding that the friends I make
now are true friends. Because I don't hide who I am and they can see the real me. That is
a good feeling.