Why I Write

Earlier today I was asked why I write. The person that posed this question might as well
have asked me why I breathe. I don't really know why I write. I just write. It is a part of
me.  Maybe it is because I've always loved to read. It could be because I was always
surrounded by wonderful storytellers and it rubbed off on me. I can't point to one thing
and say that is the reason I write.

When I was a child I was constantly making up stories to amuse myself and others. My
mom would hear me talking in the next room. When she came in, I had my stuffed animals
in a circle around me. She asked what I was doing and I would reply that I was telling
them a story. She would leave and stand just outside the door and I continued telling the
story. But it was never one she told to me or one that someone-else told me. Sometimes
she looked out the window and I had two or three of our cats or dogs lined up in front
of me, telling them a story. I guess I just had a very active imagination.

When I got to be a teenager, I wrote horrible poetry and dreadful short stories. Just the
normal depressed, nobody understands me stuff that most teenagers write. It was just
easier to put my emotions down on paper. I was very shy and withdrawn back then. It
was my way of working out my problems. And I had too many to count back then.

Then came a long period where I didn't write. I felt my words were meaningless and
it didn't matter what I had to say. It was a very hard time in my life. I thought I had to
focus on a real job and I didn't have the time for writing. I got so caught up in surviving
that I cut myself off from the thing that made life bearable. I cast away a part of myself.

Only recently have I started writing again. It makes me happy. My life may not be the
greatest. Truthfully, it sucks right now. But when I write, I am free. For a little while, I
am in control. I can pour everything into my writing. All my fear, shame, sorrow and
pain go into words. I don't have to be strong and hopeful. My characters are all  parts
of me. So they all have flaws, just as I do. But they can do things I can't. So I live
through them just as they live because of me. Some are more like me than others. My
heroes are usually what I want to be like. Other characters are how I could have turned
out if I made different choices or took another road. But they all have a bit of me in them.

There are many different reasons why I write. But the one that makes the most sense to
me is that I have to. It is a part of me. Denying it just makes me miserable. I write because
it makes me whole. I can not ignore the words and stories that form in my mind. So I sit
and I write. Because I am a writer and that is what I do.